I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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