I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so explain again why im purple
no
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
