You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will be naked everywhere
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
