Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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