My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
