yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
