I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
