I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
