I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
