oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
