My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
