Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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