plz talk dirty to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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