I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
