Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
