I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
