ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
