oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
