I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
