She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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