1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
