Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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