It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
