Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
