I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
