You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
