One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
