If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
high people should be assigned attendants
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
