Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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