It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
