these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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