I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
