Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
