I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
