My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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