when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
