I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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