Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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