Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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