she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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