That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
