are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
