My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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