4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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