Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
