Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
