My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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