I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
