dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
