Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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