I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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