So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize