did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He shit in the fireplace
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
