I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
