i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
