Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
