Quick, to the slutcave!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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