Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
