no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
