yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
