I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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