I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
