Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
