Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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