I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
