I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
