There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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