i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
