I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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