I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
