things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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