And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
