I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize