Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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