Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
