Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
