I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
