the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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