Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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