if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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